


Don't Forget Me

by kylorensith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, F/M, Hurt Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylorensith/pseuds/kylorensith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Solo grew up with you as his best friend, you two spent as much time together as possible, and knew everything about each other. That's why you were surprised to find that Ben, your best friend-- now Kylo Ren, was leading the Knights of Ren on the attack on the Jedi Temple. Years later, while on a mission to find Poe at The First Order base and get him home safely, you were brought onto the Finalizer as a prisoner and come face to face with Kylo Ren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Forget Me - Part 1

The day the Knights of Ren attacked the Jedi temple was traumatic, not only to those who lost a child, but to the people who cared about Ben Solo, the new leader of the Knights of Ren. You had just finished your schooling to be a doctor for the Resistance the day it happened. You were called straight to the Jedi temple, you had never moved so fast in your life. What if Ben was hurt? 

The minute you got the the temple your heart died a little, as every single Padawan, and Jedi Master you tried to help were already gone. No one was saved, the only two people who managed to get away were Master Luke, who seemed to have vanished, and Ben, neither were found, but General Organa insisted that both were still alive, she could feel it. After days of searching the temple for just one survivor, you and your team were forced to end your time at the temple. There were no survivors. The only thing you could do then, get the bodies from the temple, and dispose of them in a proper way. 

Not many days after getting all the bodies from the temple, you were sent back to the Resistance base, and were called in to talk with General Organa. You expected the worst, they found Ben. But you could feel whatever she had to say wasn’t good, it was going to destroy you, and that it did. 

You walked into the holo room, and saw General Organa leaning on a table, and holding her heart. “General-“ You began, but soon realized this wasn’t your superior talking, it’s your best friends mother. “Leia, where- is Ben okay?” Your bottom lip was trembling as she faced you and you finally saw her tear stained face, and bloodshot eyes. 

“He is alive.” She whispered, taking a few steps closer to you. A smile crossed your lips for an all too short second. “Well, that’s good, right?” She didn’t say a word, only looked at you with sad eyes, and somehow you knew, you knew exactly why she was crying. “He didn’t- he couldn’t have. Ben could never do such a thing!” It was your turn to turn into a sobbing mess. “He isn’t our Ben anymore (Y/N).” As she shook her head, you backed away from her, like that would somehow change what had happened the past few days. “He’s Snoke’s apprentice now.” Her lip shook as another wave of tears escaped her eyes. “He’s the new Master of the Knights of Ren- the ones who did this.” That’s when you knew your heart had broken into the smallest piece possible. The man that you assumed could be your soulmate, if there even was such a thing, had killed all those Jedi Masters, and Padawans. 

Several years after the attack on the Jedi temple, you still weren’t the same, anyone who ever knew you noticed. You finally began making friends again, the closest of those friends being Poe Dameron, the best pilot the Resistance has. “So, (L/N). Are you going to isolate again tonight, or are you actually going to spend time with your best friend?” Poe walked into the medical bay, and sat in a chair while you cleaned up from the return of several harmed pilots. “Is this a real option, or are you forcing me to come with you either way?” You laughed softly, and finished up. 

“Well, you don’t have to come. But I mean, it is a big day. So why wouldn’t you come?” You looked over at Poe curiously, not understanding what this big day thing was. “What’s today?” You started walking to the door, waving your hand for Poe to follow. “Really (Y/N)?” He looked almost annoyed, but mostly sad. “What did I forget?” You started to worry, and think of all important dates in your life. 

“(Y/N). Your birthday.” You shook your head, and rolled your eyes. “Poe you know I don’t celebrate that anymore. We go through this every year.” You escorted him out of the bay, and locked the doors. “Don’t let his actions ruin your life.” 

You side-glanced at him, not wanting to talk about Ben with anyone, especially him. “I’m not doing anything because of Ben, Poe. I’m not celebrating my birthday because I don’t see the point. Ben isn’t the reason I’m not a social person, you should know that by now.” Poe often liked to bring Ben into conversation, especially when he finds a behavior of your annoying, or wrong. “Look, I’m sorry. But when was the last time you celebrated your birthday?” He stood in front of you, blocking your path to your room. 

“Poe.” You warned, knowing this is only going to annoy the both of you further. “Tell me.” You rolled your eyes and stepped past him. “The last time was like ten years ago.” You mumble, it actually had been ten years, exactly. “And when did the Knights of Ren attack the Jedi temple?” He sounded so confident in the fact that he was right, about this one thing. “Nine and a half years ago.” You began walking faster, feeling tears start to well up in your eyes. “See, you don’t do anything that you enjoy anymore! That can’t be good for you, even General Organa does something she enjoys occasionally.” You narrowed your eyes at him, doing your best not to tell him off.

“Poe. Drop it. I was never social before everything with the Jedi temple, why would that change after my best friend broke my heart into a million pieces? He was the only person who enjoyed spending our birthdays together, and now he’s gone. I may have friends, but in no way will any of you ever replace Ben!” You shouted, ignoring the glances the few people around were giving you. “I’m done talking about this.” You stormed away, blinking away tears. 

Kylo stepped away from Poe, not knowing if he really wanted to know anymore about how he had hurt you. Poe's deep breaths finally started to even out after a few minutes of Kylo contemplating “Don’t… don’t you da..dare act like you..like you care about her.” He managed out, while glaring at Kylo as best as he could. In an instant Kylo’s hand flew up and his fingers pulled together, cutting off Poe’s oxygen to his lungs. “Don’t you talk to me about her. Ever.” Kylo yelled, growing in annoyance at the thought of Poe being your new best friend. 

“General Organa, please. I can’t go there.” You had been called to meet with Leia, you thought it had to do with the fight you’d had with Poe, how it was unprofessional of you both, but that wasn’t the case at all. “I need you there (Y/N), Poe needs you there, we don’t know what kind of abuse he’s been put through, he needs a doctor. The First Order wont supply that for him. He needs you.” Tears were filling your eyes much like every other time you’d been forced to think about Ben in the slightest. “I can’t see him.” You whisper, you’d seen Kylo Ren once before, you were called to help save some creatures on a planet in a whole other galaxy, no one had expected the First Order to go back. But there you were, trying to keep a young child alive when the screams began. Kylo Ren never noticed you, but you noticed him. And in some way, that hurt more. 

“You might not, I know this is a lot to ask of you. It’s a lot to ask of anyone, especially you. But you’re the only one Ben would never hurt. The only one.” You knew she was right, Ben didn’t care about anyones mental or physical state, aside from you. The slightest change in your mood and he was ready to fight whoever caused it, physical pain was a whole other story. If you got harmed in anyway, Ben always made sure you were okay, and refused to let anyone near you until you were fine again. Ben loved you, and as long as that hadn’t changed, maybe General Organa is right, he won't hurt you.

The next day you were sent out on auto-pilot to where the First Order was last known to be, lucky you there it was. You were meant to get caught, captured as a prisoner, soon after Kylo Ren would see you. The part that killed you more than having to see your old best friend, you had to pretend as if everything he’s done didn’t happen, and ask him to let you at least check on Poe. It made you sick to your stomach, even if you didn’t forgive Kylo Ren you knew if for even second you saw a hint of Ben, you would be done for. 

Once your ship was close enough to their shield, the power was taken over by the controls of the First Order. You were pulled from the ship, and held with a blaster pointed directly at your stomach. “Resistance!” A trooper called out, pointing to the badge on your jacket. “Find Ren! Tell him we got a new prisoner!” Your heart took off in a sprint at the mention of Ren, it had to be Ben, right? “Come on scum.” You were tugged roughly, almost pulling your arm from it’s socket. “Oi!” You yelled at the trooper with the gun, you were ignored as you were dragged, more forceful than necessary, to what you assumed to be an interrogation room. You’d heard rumors of the things that happen in here, Kylo Ren kills people for not telling him everything they know. 

A terrifying thought ran through you, what if he doesn’t know who you am? He would kill you before I can help Poe. You were strapped into some sort of locked table, while standing. The Stormtroopers left the room, mumbling about how I was doomed because of the mood Ren’s been in. “Shit.” You hiss, stupidly trying to pull your arms from the contraption, like that would do any good.

It couldn’t have been more than five minutes, before the door behind you opened. You tried to turn your head to see who was in the room with you, but it was of no use, you couldn’t see who it was. Please be Ben. You silently beg to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut in fear. There was no hint of anyone else being in the room with you anymore, you opened your eyes slowly, screaming as you saw a black mask staring at you only a few inches from your face. 

“Speak.” The creepy automated voice hissed, taking a step back but still looking at you. “W-what?” You attempted to even your voice out, but you knew who was right in front of you, and all you wanted to do was hug him, and tell him how much you miss him. His helmet came off a few seconds after you spoke, you watched carefully, in a way you still felt the need to make sure that he was safe, though you knew he was. 

“(Y/N).” His calming voice filled your ears, making all the fear exit your body. You hadn’t noticed tears running down your cheeks until his gloved hand wiped them away. You lowered your head, as you felt your lip tremble. The restraints around your wrists and ankles opened, and you pulled your hands to your face, not wanting Ben- or rather Kylo Ren see you cry. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, without looking up, you took a step closer to him and wrapped your arms around him. In that moment you didn’t care what happened to you, you just knew you were finally hugging your Ben again. His arms wrapped around you slowly -like he didn’t expect you to hug him- and pulled you closer to him. “You hate me.” 

You frowned, and went to pull away to look at him, but he only held you tighter, like he’s afraid to let go. “I don’t hate you. I don’t think I ever could hate you, Ben.” He stiffened at his old name, but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him Kylo Ren, you just couldn’t. “I’m sorry, but I can’t call you that.” You whisper, wiping some tears from your eyes again. “I ruined your birthdays.” He stated “And I broke your heart. Into a million pieces” You looked up at him, as his grip loosened slightly. You didn’t understand how he knew about you not celebrating you birthday, or that his actions had broken your heart, that is until you remembered why you were sent here. “Poe.” His eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second, before he looked you in the eye.

“Your friend is alive, but he wont be leaving this ship that way, I’m sorry.” Your heart ached for Poe, you wanted to make sure he was okay, the last time you had seen him was your birthday, when you’d told him he could never replace Ben. It’s true that he can’t and won’t ever replace Ben, but he is still one of the only people who’s put up with your shit for the past ten years. 

“Will I?” You dare ask, not really wanting to know the answer. He frowned immediately “Of course.” Sadness overcame him, and it showed on his face, the thought of you leaving killed him, he’d lost you once, how could he do it again? You looked down, knowing why he was upset now, and how you had caused it. “Ben,” You looked up to him, and stopped immediately as you saw his eyes fill with tears. You’d only ever see him cry once before, and that was when he’d been pushed too hard at the Jedi temple by his uncle. His own uncle told him he’d never become a worthy Jedi if he didn’t get his act together. 

“Ben.” You bit you lip to stop from crying as well, reaching up and wiping away his tears. “Please don’t cry, Ben.” For some reason that only made it worse, little did you know that since the last time he was with, you he’s never been hugged, held, or cared about for that matter. He hugged you so close to him, and you couldn’t help but smile, this was all the two of you simply needed. Each other. 

“(Y/N).” He whispered after another few moments of hugging you. You hummed in response, running your thumb back and forth over his cape. “Stay.” You closed you eyes tight, you wanted to, so bad, to stay with Ben forever, the man who for as long as you can remember, you thought of as your soulmate. But if you couldn’t, you’d be deserting Poe, General Organa, and your whole medical staff. “Ben..” He shook his head, then puled away from you, and looked you in the eye while holding your face in his hands. “I know you want to, I can feel it.” His thumb brushed over your cheek lightly. 

“I want to, I’ve missed you more than anything in all the galaxies.” You frowned, How can you just walk away? “So stay, please?”


	2. Don't Forget Me - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo grew up with you as his best friend, you two spent as much time together as possible, and knew everything about each other. That's why you were surprised to find that Ben, your best friend-- now Kylo Ren, was leading the Knights of Ren on the attack on the Jedi Temple. Years later, while on a mission to find Poe at The First Order base and get him home safely, you were brought onto the Finalizer as a prisoner and come face to face with Kylo Ren.

“Ben..” In all honesty, if it wasn’t for Poe you would have caved the second he asked. “I- I can’t. I need to get Poe home safely.” His hands dropped from your cheeks instantly, and he took a step back from you. You felt a sting of heartbreak run through you at the way he is now looking at you, it’s not the same man who was just holding you. This man is looking at you with disgust, anger, and hatred? This man, this is Kylo Ren. Not your Ben. 

“Get back.” He demanded, all softness in his voice was long gone, his anger was clearly written across his face as he pointed to the metal contraption behind you. “Ben..” You blinked several times, ridding your eyes of the tears. “NOW!” He yelled, scaring you more than he ever had. You moved back and placed your arms and legs to where he needed them to be, before he locked you back in. “Please, don’t do this.” You begged, lip trembling as you watched him walk away from you.

“I’m too busy for this (Y/N). I have a prisoner I need to take care of. Coming here was a waste of your time.” His helmet was already on, you could tell by the change in his voice. Without another word you heard the door slide open and shut again right after. 

Kylo stormed through the halls of the Finalizer going to Poe’s interrogation room. Kylo’s fists were clung to his side, getting tighter at the thought of Poe being anything to you, let alone your best friend. Kylo finally made his way to Poe’s room, and walked in standing directly in front of Poe. “Tell me everything you know.” 

Poe glared up at him, between being choked -almost to death- with the force, his mind invaded for much longer than Poe could actually stand, and the tight grip the restraints had, Poe’s energy was all but gone. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if Kylo Ren forced his way inside his mind again. He sighed in defeat “About what?” 

“So you Resistance members are capable of listening. Good.” Kylo hissed. “About her. You seem to know her well, I want to know everything.” Poe took a moment to remember Kylo Ren seeing you in his thoughts, and memories earlier. “No. I will not tell you a single thing about her.” It was obvious he would be subjected to even more physical, and mental pain for not giving an answer, but Poe refused to let Kylo Ren know a single thing about you. 

“So be it.” Poe’s head flew back, hitting the metal while Kylo pulled at every bit of information Poe knows about you.

The day you an Poe had first become friends wasn’t exactly a normal interaction, especially for two who became best friends after. He was the first person to really understand why you hadn’t moved on like Leia had. “(L/N)! There was an emergency, they need you right away!” Poe called, looking around the back of the medical bay for you. No one had seen you in a few hours, but they needed the extra help, quickly. “(L/N)!” He called again, hearing a soft cry from your office. 

He opened the door, expecting to see you, but you were no where to be seen. “Come on (L/N)!” He shouted, then hearing another sob. Sighing Poe walked closer to your desk and crouched down, seeing you in a ball crying into your knees under the it. “(L/N)?” 

“I can’t.” Your shaking voice whispers while to attempt to pull yourself together. “I’m so sorry.” You cry, still not looking at Poe. Realizing what this was about, Poe pulled you out from under the desk and helped you stand. “Come on, (Y/N). Let’s get you home.” You attempted to thank him, but it was no use, your voice was too shaky. “Don’t thank me. It’s been a year, everyone will understand.” You nodded, biting you lip blinking rapidly to rid you eyes of their tears. 

“Ben wouldn’t want you crying, right? So just breathe, kay?” There were only a few steps left until you’d be in your room, Poe rubbed your back soothingly trying to get you to calm at least slightly. That entire night Poe stayed with you, calming you down when a new wave of tears came on. No one had seen you in such a position before, other than Ben and that thought killed you even more. You didn’t want to replace Ben, you couldn’t.

Kylo could barely get through that memory, seeing you so distressed, and in pain. Because of him. Poe’s body was starting to betray him, he knew it was no use to fight it anymore, that was only going to get him killed in the end.

“Poe, where is she? She can’t just not come in!” A nurse, Kaliq, from the medical bay scolded Poe, as if it was his fault you weren’t at work. “Look, you know just as well as I do that she’s not coming in today. Unless you want an emotional mess of a woman operating on people, I suggest you leave her the hell alone today.” Kaliq groaned “She has to get over that monster already! It’s been nine years, he clearly didn’t care about her! Why is she so upset anyway?” She almost laughed, like it was all some big joke.

“Good to know our medical staff is so compassionate.” Poe spat, leaving the bay and going to find you, he knew exactly where you would be. He walked to the furthest part of the woods, seeing you sitting with your feet in the river, playing with that damn bracelet on your wrist. “(L/N).” Poe smiled, sympathetically. Every year for the past seven years you’d always came to this exact spot, Poe never knew why, but he was sure something with Ben had happened there. 

“Poe. Please go back.” You beg softly, not even bothering to look up at him. You knew he would just give you sad eyes, try to make you feel better, then feel awful for it not working. “You shouldn’t be alone today.” You groan, not wanting Poe in this spot, it had always been your spot with Ben. Though you love Poe, you don’t want memories with him there, only Ben. “Poe, I’m begging you to go back. I want to be alone today, I’ll be back to work tomorrow. You can tell Kaliq, I’m sure she gave you hell for me not being there.” 

Poe sighed in frustration but nodded “Alright, I’m coming back to check on you later though.” Poe gave you a side hug, and got up to walk away. After he was a few yards away he heard you begin speaking, but not to him. To Ben.

“Why didn’t you bring me with you, Ben?” You held you head in your hands, looking to the water still, completely oblivious to Poe’s presence. “Why did you leave me here?” Poe was shocked to say the least at your words, he’d never known you would have gone with Ben. No one did. “You promised me that you’d never leave me, Ben. But you did. I loved you.” You paused “No that’s no true. I do love you, Ben. I love you so much and you left me. How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me too.” You began to cry, still thinking you were alone. You didn’t hold back, once a year you allowed yourself to cry like this, when you were alone and missed Ben the most. The anniversary of the attack on the Jedi temple. “You didn’t even say goodbye.” 

Everything changed in an instant, and you’re now sitting in a bar drinking away. “He was my soulmate you know.” You laugh, looking over to Poe who was watching you cautiously. “Ben! Remember him? He was my soulmate.” You laugh again, covering you face while you try to stop laughing. “I was so stupid!” You take another sip of your drink and frown before putting on another fake smile “Soulmate.” You scoffed.

“There’s no such thing. Hell!” You exclaimed “Maybe there is, but not for someone like me! Soulmate is a bit crazy, don’t ya think? I can’t even find someone who LOVES me.” Poe had no idea what to say, in all the times he’s seen you drunk, you’d never spoken or acted like this, ever. “I mean.” You chuckle before continuing “I thought he was it, and then BAM he leaves me here. Alone, with no one.” Tears filled your eyes, but you blinked them away so you could keep rambling “He promised he’d never leave me, ya know? But then” You turn into a fit of giggles, barely able to breathe at the laughter. “he just left me. Just like everyone else did!” Poe watched with sadness as you continued on about being abandoned by the one person you truly never thought would leave you.

Kylo was backed against the wall, almost in shock, but mostly he was mostly just filled with sadness. He didn’t think in a million lifetimes you would ever go with him to the First Order, that’s why he left without saying goodbye. Soulmate, the word echoed through Kylo’s head over and over. He stared blankly ahead at the man in front of him, who looked like death. “Leave her- b-be.” Poe mumbled tiredly at Kylo giving off as much anger as he possibly could. “I’ll be back tomorrow, I know you know more, pilot.” Kylo walked past Poe, to leave but heard him mumbling something about you. “Speak up.” Kylo demanded. “You,” Poe paused sucking in a sharp breath “you broke her.” Kylo had no response to Poe, he knew that Poe was right, but he wasn’t going to admit that to anyone aside from you. 

You had refused to cry in front of the Stormtrooper who was in the room with you, so you kept your eyes closed, wondering if there was anyway you could get out of here and not know you’d left Ben, willingly. “Are Stormtroopers allowed to kill prisoners?” You spoke up loud enough, making sure the man heard you. There was a few moment pause before he answered“Not unless we think the prisoner is a direct threat to anyone in higher command.” You weren’t expecting an answer, you figured he’d ignore you. “So Be-Kylo Ren? He would be one of those people?” 

“Of course, though commander Ren is perfectly fine at keeping himself safe. The guy has no soul. I’m surprised you’re still alive.” You shook your head, wondering if maybe when Kylo Ren came back if he’d kill you, then it wouldn’t hurt so bad, though you know he wont. You were about to inquire more about Ben’s new identity but you heard the door slide open, and Ben tell the trooper to leave, and go to another floor. 

You heard the hissing nice from his helmet, before he was stood in front of you with red eyes. “Were you just speaking with that man?” You made sure not to look at him for longer than a second before looking away. “I was.” You looked to your side, noticing he was fighting to make eye contact. “About what? They’re not to speak with prisoners, ever.” Anger filled his words while he started to pace in front of you, catching your attention. Ben only paced when he was doing his best to hold back on taking his anger out on someone. “I asked him if Stormtroopers were allowed to kill prisoners.” He stopped his pacing the second the last two words rolled off your tongue. 

“No, they’re not. Why would you ask that?” You looked him up and down, seeing old quirks of Bens showing all over. Fists clenched at his sides when someone has said something he doesn’t like, his eyes narrowed slightly, and his feet shifted every few seconds. “Well if I was seen as a direct threat to you, or anyone else with the rank you have, they’d have to.” You mumble, swallowing trying to build up the courage to look him in the eye again. 

“No. They are not to harm prisoners more than it take to get them in.. that.” He pointed to the restraints you were trapped in. “A shame.” You smiled sarcastically. He looked at you with his sad, bloodshot eyes. Taking another step closer to you, so you are forced to look him in the eye. You thought he was about to say something, but he only remove the restraints and stood back. “Put them back on, Kylo Ren.” You hissed, refusing to move from your spot “We both know I’m getting back in this damn thing before you leave, whats the point?” Both of your hearts ached slightly as you spat his new name at him.

Taking a deep sigh he stepped back further from you, not saying a word. “Ben, no.” You couldn’t bring yourself to use his new name again “You’re not staying in here, (Y/N). You’ll be in my quarters tonight.” You tensed, not knowing if he had meant what he just said. “Yes, I meant it. You may be a prisoner, but you are bit different from others.” Your eyes snapped up to his, realizing he had just been inside your head. “Please don’t do that.” you tok a step forward, and out of the restraints fully. “I am sorry. You know I don’t enjoy doing that to you.” You nod, thinking about how for the longest time you begged him to use the force on you, he refused for years in fear of hurting you. 

“Why am I going to your quarters?” He grabbed his helmet, pulling it over his head, and walked in front of you to the door “Several reasons, I’ll explain when we’re alone.” You looked around, not seeing anyone, with a confused glance. “Well yes, we’re alone here, but we’re going to my quarters now. I don’t know who will be roaming the halls.” You nodded, and got closer to him as he left the room. 

Every time you saw anyone you would start to panic that they would force you into a normal cell, you didn’t know if anyone had the power to tell Ben to do such. But the fear remained. “They don’t. Only one man has any real power over what I do, and he wont say anything. He knows who you are.” You stood closer to his side, feeling uncomfortable, every time someone saw you, and watched as you walk with ben through the halls. You ignored that Ben had been in your head again, and looked up to him “Who knows of me?” 

“Supreme Leader Sn-“ He began, cut off by someone before he could finish. “Ren, the-“ He stopped and looked down at you in disgust. “A whore, really Ren? I thought you were better than that.” he looked up to Ben incredulously, Ben brought his hand up, and seconds later the man was choking, grabbing at his throat trying to breathe. You got closer to Ben’s side, still standing just behind him watching the man who was looking right at Ben as he was being choked. “I suggest to you General Hux, you don’t speak of, or to the girl again.” Ben’s hand dropped to his side, and the man was put back on his feet. 

He looked at you with curiosity for a moment before realizing he’d been sent to tell Ben something. “The pilot, he is insisting that he has something important to tell you.” He cleared his throat, glancing at you again for a brief moment. You instantly knew it was Poe that he was speaking of. “Poe?” You immediately asked, looking up to Ben. He looked at you, nodded and then looked back to the General. “I’m bringing the girl to my quarters. She is to be left alone, not a single person, droid, or creature is to bother her. Understand? I will speak with the prisoner in a moment.” You took notice of how he didn’t call you a prisoner, and smiled slightly. Knowing that, somehow brought you comfort. 

The General nodded, and walked away from the two of you. Ben started walking again, and you realized you’d been holding onto his back as he moved away and your hand was suddenly empty. You blushed for a moment, but Ben hadn’t said anything so you continued following him. “Would um.” You paused for a moment, looking up to Ben “Can I make sure he’s okay?” You had a slight feeling that this might get Ben angry, but he didn’t say anything, he just kept walking. “He is fine. I assure you of that.” He said in the flattest tone you’d ever heard, especially though his mask. You sighed, not wanting to push it anymore, in fear of seeing Ben angry again.

Only a few seconds after, he turned to a door, entering a code, and waiting for it to open. He allowed you in first, and watched as you looked around in slight amazement. Growing up in the Resistance was different than most upbringings for a lot of reasons, but the biggest one being even the most wealthy of the families still struggled for food, bedding, and clothes. But looking into Ben’s room, you right from the start see a small clear, silver box with food in it, as well as the biggest bed you’d ever seen. “You live like this?” You asked in complete shock, finally looked at Ben, seeing he’d taken off his helmet, and was watching you with a soft smile. “I do. I’d almost forgotten how I reacted when I first got here. It was very similar to yours.” You smiled at him, and moved to sit beside him on the huge bed. 

“I’d imagine.” You continued looking around the room, looking at everything. You noticed how there wasn’t anything personal around though, no memory of who he was before, or even who he is now. “I’ll be back, I don’t expect this to take long. You can do whatever you’d like, though there isn’t a great deal to do.” He laughed softly, and put his helmet over his head turning his back to you. “Thank you.” You rushed out before he could leave. “Thanks for not making me stay down there.” He nodded his head, and kept his gaze on you through the helmet. “You may see him tomorrow. Briefly.” He says sounding slightly bitter, then leaving the room for you to explore.


	3. Don't Forget Me - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo grew up with you as his best friend, you two spent as much time together as possible, and knew everything about each other. That's why you were surprised to find that Ben, your best friend-- now Kylo Ren, was leading the Knights of Ren on the attack on the Jedi Temple. Years later, while on a mission to find Poe at The First Order base and get him home safely, you were brought onto the Finalizer as a prisoner and come face to face with Kylo Ren.

Kylo was moving quickly through the halls of the Finalizer, on his way to speak to the pilot. Although his mind is still focused only on you, it had been ten years since he saw you -up close that is- and he broke you, and he could really se that now. How could he expect you to stay after everything he’s done? He wanted you to have everything in the galaxy, he wanted to be the one to give you everything in the galaxy. 

Once he got to the pilots cell, Kylo dismissed the Stormtroopers inside the room before entering himself. “You have something important to tell me, pilot?” Knowing Poe’s name, and actually using his name when speaking to him were two things Kylo did not want to do. He wants the pilot to know that Kylo feels no emotion toward him. After all, the biggest reason he’s still alive is because Kylo knows it would break your heart if someone you were close to died.

Kylo walked all the way in the room, and looked at the pilot, waiting for any information that could be of use to him. Poe glared at the man in the mask before answering. “You can’t hurt her!” Poe wanted nothing more than to get out of the restraints, and kill Kylo Ren himself. “What makes you think I’m anywhere near her?” Yes, you were on board, Kylo hadn’t told the pilot that you were. 

Poe scoffed “I’m no fool, I’ve been gone for over two weeks, I know the protocol for when someone is to attempt to save the other.” Kylo smirked -not that Poe could see- and shook his head. “Why exactly would they send a doctor, and not someone trained in battle? Why would they send (Y/N), and not someone who could help you escape?” Kylo knew very well why you had been the one sent to retrieve the pilot, it is well known by everyone within the Resistance, and a few members of the First Order that he would never hurt you.

Poe smirked at Kylo and gave him a fake smile. “Your mother, would send (Y/N) because she is the only person we have that you would never harm.” Kylo’s lightsaber was drawn the second the word mother left Poe’s mouth. The saber was pointed directly at Poe’s throat while Kylo attempted to not kill the pilot, because then you would be hurt again, by something Kylo has done. “Don’t you ever bring those people into conversation again, or I won’t be as forgiving.” Kylo put his saber back, and stared at the pilot. “Now what did you need to tell me, Pilot. I have better things to do tonight than talk with you.” Poe’s face dropped, he knew that General Organa would send you, but there was a huge part of him that hoped she wouldn’t. “She is here then.” 

“She is.” Kylo confirmed, now staring blankly at the pilot. “You can’t hurt her, she trusts you! You can’t keep her here, let her leave, she doesn’t deserve to be a prisoner to you! That’s going to kill her!” Poe yelled, trying to pull at the restraints. “She is safe. She is not a prisoner, and she is comfortable here. You will see her tomorrow, but don’t think that that has anything to do with you, she has requested to see you, and I’m not in the business of denying her anything right now. Even if that means her speaking to you.” Kylo walked to the door, listening to Poe yell telling him how he would kill Kylo if anything was wrong. “Take him to his cell.” Kylo mumbled after leaving the room, beginning to walk back to his quarters.

At first you told yourself you weren't going to look around, that you had no right. But once you began looking at the many books he had on a shelf you couldn’t help but notice several leather bound books that looked like something Ben used to write in. You grabbed one, unsure of which book he could have been using when the Knights of Ren attacked the Jedi temple. Sitting on his bed, you opened the book seeing this book had started only a few months before the attack on the Jedi temple. “This one it is.” You whisper to yourself.

Everything was written so quickly, and messily that it was almost impossible to understand his words, but you wanted to know if he had felt remorse for what he’d done, or anything about what he had done. You flipped to the last date before the attack, and sure enough Ben had written the day before the attack.

I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, but it feels right. Master Snoke says it’s right, and he wouldn’t misguide me, I should stop worrying. I was home last week, I said goodbye to almost everyone, there was just one person I knew I wouldn’t be able to do. I promised her I’d never do this, but it’s in her best interest for me not to tell her anything, I am confident she will be happy at home. 

You stared at the page, thinking back to the last day you’d seen Ben before everything happened. You had sat together by the river for the entire day, talking and having fun, you had no idea what was going to happen in just a couple weeks. Looking back on it, you don’t remember a single thing that would have hinted to the attack. You turned the page of the book and saw the messiest handwriting you’d ever seen, and a few words blurred by tears that had fallen on to the page. 

I did it, I led the Knights of Ren to the Jedi temple, and we attacked. I’ve never hurt anyone before, intentionally that it, but today I killed hundreds of Padawans myself, and a few masters as well. Master Snoke said the pain that I had been feeling for so long was released upon them and will be gone. But there is still so much pain I feel, I can’t help but wonder if this is really the right thing to do. I feel the dark side everywhere I go, but I still feel the pull to the light. I can’t tell Master Snoke, he would know how weak I am, he would make me

There was nothing left in that entry, it just stopped, and even though he wasn’t even halfway through the book, there are no more entries after that. You frown, feeling you heart ache for the pain your best friend had been feeling. You sigh, starting to feel guilty for looking through his things, and put the book back with the others. Who knows what Ben would say if he found you snooping on the seemingly only things he has of who he was before the First Order. 

You had no idea what to do, or how much longer Ben would be. You had a million questions now, and it’s quite obvious he has some as well. You began to wonder what was important enough for Poe to request Ben’s presence, if Poe was going to tell Ben something about the Resistance, but Poe would never do that. You scold yourself for thinking such a thing, Poe is one of the most honorable men working with the Resistance. “

You sat on Ben’s bed, and pushed away negative thoughts. It wont help you, if anything it will tell Ben how nervous you are. “I already know you’re nervous (Y/N).” You jumped off the bed, looking at Ben with wide eyes, how had you not heard him come in? “Please don’t look inside my head, Ben.” You pressed your lips together, looking over the black, unwelcoming mask that stared back at you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I thought you had realized I came in.” You shook your head, and watched with slight joy while Ben took off his helmet. You looked over his face, smiling at how he had changed so much, but not at all. 

He looked away from you, feeling uncomfortable thinking you were looking at all the flaws he has. “You got more handsome than I ever imagined, Ben.” You half smiled at him. He was shocked to hear you say such a thing, he thought that after all these years you would have gown to hate everything about him. It had been ten years since you had seen each other, you were sixteen, and he was seventeen, so you both had chanced in so many ways. 

“Yeah, well.” He huffed, and looked back to you “Questions.” He moved past you, and motioned for you to sit in a chair before he did the same. “So many questions.” You mumbled sitting down, and pulling your knees to your chest looking at Ben, almost studying him. He had an unreadable face while he nodded his head for you to continue.

“Why am I in your quarters, and not in a cell, like the rest of the prisoners?” His eyebrows rose at your bluntness, something you’d never been able to to before right this minute. “I told you, you’re not like the others-“ You shook your head, and held a hand up “I mean, why me? Is it because you want me to tell you things about the Resistance, and you think I’d be more comfortable telling you these things in your qu-“ He frowned, seemingly hurt before telling you to stop. “You are here for several reasons. One, I know how prisoners are treated here, and it would be a shame if I had to kill someone for harming you.” He was looking you right in the eye, realizing talking like that with you was different, not as easy. “Two, like I’ve said you’re not like the rest of the prisoners, you are someone who matters, so you will not be treated as the others are treated.” 

You were about to speak, but he continued with more, still looking directly at you nervously. “Another being you’re the one person who’s made me calm in ten years, even if I didn’t know who you were, I’m not an idiot, I know that I need someone to help me control my anger.” You nodded, and began comparing Ben, and Kylo, they so far were similar in some ways, but vastly different in others, the ones that matter. “Last being, you are (Y/N).” He broke eye contact, and looked at something right behind you, it was obviously his way of avoiding your eyes, that was always something he tried to do when he was unsure of someones emotions. “You are my best friend, and you’re the only person who deserves answers to what happened, and I know you have many questions. So you’re going to get them.” When he referred to you as his best friend, you were filled with pride that he did still care for you.

“The only one?” You clarified, realizing that there were other people who should have gotten some answers too, his mother, father, his uncle, not just you. “They aren’t owed anything. Yes, only you. Though when you do leave I know you’ll tell General Organa and Han Solo, I’m not naive enough to think you wont.” You watched his whole demeanor change at the mention of his parents, he is bitter, and angry with them that much is for sure. “Were you just in my head again?” You frowned, choosing to ignore the topic of his family, as it clearly aggravates him. “I wasn’t, I could tell by your face you were thinking of them.” You raised an eyebrow in question, wondering what face would tell him that, he continued looking away from you, and at random objects around the quarters.

“You looked sad, guilty even, like you had done something awful by having questions and getting answers.” He still looked tense, and you couldn’t help but wonder how often he holds things in like this. You still knew asking more about his family would only cause more stress on him, so you started thinking, wondering what question you wanted to ask him first.

You knew what you wanted to ask first, but you didn’t want to make him feel bad. “You’re nervous to ask me the question. Ask, I have an idea of what you’re planning to ask me anyway. So just ask.” You didn’t even care at that point that he could have been in your head, though he wasn’t. Your face was a dead giveaway. “Why did you attack the Jedi temple?” You watched him cautiously, setting your chin on your knees.

He nodded, knowing that was going to be one of your questions. “We attacked the Jedi temple as proof that the darkness flows through me, and that I don’t feel the pull to the light.” He was gauging your reaction, thinking you were going to be angry with him, but you didn’t seem to react at all, making him slightly curious how you were fazed by the answer. “You don’t seem to be fazed by that. Are you okay?” He narrowed his eyes curiously at you, looking for some sign of emotion. 

“I’ve become quite unattached to what happened at the temple. It was necessary for me to emotionally disconnect from the attack.” You stated blankly, although you still are effected by that attack, you’ve just gotten amazingly well at hiding it. “Why was it necessary?” Ben asks, still not really understanding your reaction, you had always been an emotional person, and something like this he expected you to break down, though he’s glad you didn’t “I was on one seven medical team trying to find anyone that was alive. It was my first day after finishing schooling.” Shock filled his face, “You were there, on your first day?” You nod, the first twenty four hours you were there, you had spent looking for Ben, and Ben only, obviously with no luck. 

“You didn’t think I was in there did you?” He sounded worried, he knew that if you truly thought he was still there, dead, that would confirm that he truly had broken you. “I thought you were, yes. I looked for you for you for an entire day, before I was told I had to move on and search for anyone who was still alive.” You bit your bottom lip, focusing on the pain there so you didn’t get emotional. He watched you, having no idea what he could possibly say in that moment to make you not cry. “(Y/N)..” He trailed off, feeling like he was going to be sick from regret. “So who did you have to give proof to? Snoke?” You couldn’t help but say the name bitterly, you truly did blame him for everything that’s happened, Ben wouldn’t have done such a thing without someone using his trust to their advantage. 

“Yes.” He confirmed, seeing your -not very well hidden- sadness turn to one of anger. “Was I just stupidly oblivious to what you were feeling? Because if that’s what pushed you to do this Ben, I- I’m so sorry.” Tears welled up in your eyes, he understood that your anger was directed at yourself, not him. “No!” He insisted, watching you about to fall apart before him. “No, I made sure you didn’t know. You had noticed more times that I can remember, that I was acting strange. I didn’t want you to know anything, so I took those memories from you.” He looked down in shame, knowing how much you hate him, or anyone using the force for such a thing. 

Your bottom lip trembled, so you bit it again and hid your face in your knees, stopping you from crying. That’s the last thing you wanted him to see. You both sat in silence for a few minutes, you calming yourself down, and Ben hating himself more than before for hurting you. “Why didn’t you say goodbye to me?” You suddenly ask, lifting your head and grabbing his attention from his own thoughts. He blinked a few times, and smiled sadly, “Because I knew you would be hurt, and somehow find a way to blame yourself like you just did. It wasn’t your fault, so far from it actually, you’re the reason I took so long to accept being Snoke’s apprentice. I didn’t want to leave you.” 

You groan in frustration, still not understanding how he couldn’t say goodbye to you. “He didn’t love you like you loved him, that’s why it wasn’t as big of a deal to him.” You think to yourself, trying to find someway to understand everything. “I-“ He sighs, and waits for you to finally look at him before asking “I know you’re going to hate me for this-“ You cut him off with a defeated stare and you told him again that you could never hate him. “Maybe so.” He closes his eyes, and then opens them to stare at you not looking away. “I was inside the pilots head.” You nod, and frown slightly waiting for him to get to the part that would make you hate him.

“Normally seeing memories from someone else’s head would be a long process. But with him, his memories were so vivid, and once I saw you I couldn’t help but focus more.” You felt bad for Poe in an instant, when Ben, or anyone who is force-sensitive, looks at memories in someones head, it can be a painful few minutes. “He is fine. But that’s not why I brought his memories up.” You begin to wonder what memories Poe has of you that would interest Ben so much.

“You were drinking, and from what I saw you were doing quite a bit of drinking.” You tense in your seat, thinking of all the times you’d told Ben you can’t stand people who go on drunken rants, so you vowed you’d never drink a day in your life. The thing is, you had only been out with Poe a few times drinking, and you remember most of it, noting of interest was said. “Are you about to judge me for drinking, Ben?” You ask, growing slightly annoyed. “Of course not! You were talking about me.” Your face drained of all it’s color, you had never spoken with Poe about Ben while drunk, at least not that you could remember. “What, what was I saying?” You as, giving him a half guilty smile before looking away.

“You said I was your soulmate.” Your eyes went wide, and you felt all the anxiety, and fear you felt when you found out Ben had left, and how you were so heartbroken that your soulmate had left you too. You looked immediately away from him, not wanting to hear anymore of this conversation. Your cheeks had gone completely red at that point, you had never admitted to anyone, besides apparently Poe, that you thought Ben was your soulmate. You sigh, and your eyes fill with tears of embarrassment. “Ben I-“ 

“You said I was.” He repeated “You told him that because of me leaving without you, that you couldn’t find anyone who loves you.” You glance at him not understanding in the slightest what that had to do with anything you were talking about. “Ben..” You whisper, shaking your head, trying to rid yourself of the tears that just wouldn’t stop. “You do know you’re loved, right?” He clarifies, nodding his head in hopes that it was just a drunken ramble about nothing. You looked at him quickly, and saw how badly he wanted you to say yes, but that wasn’t true, “No.” You mumble, immediately trying to take your mind off what Ben now knows. What else does he know?

You sighed, frustrated that someone who wasn’t even there knows what happened that night, but you, who was there can’t remember a single thing. “No?” His voice sounded weak, like you had just kicked him in the stomach. Looking up you see a heartbroken Ben watching you. “What? No.” You tell him honestly, there is not sense in lying to him, he would know if you did. “But, you are.” He sounded so baffled, and offended by your lack of faith in others love for you. Taking a deep breath you began to actually speak for the first time in a while. “Ben. You were there when my parents left me. You were the only one who knew everything about them leaving, without a care in the galaxy about me. That they left and never came back, we both know they never intended to.” You roll your eyes at yourself, also trying to stop the tears forming in your eyes. “You were the only person I had, and the only person who loved me. Then you just left me. It was worse with you, because you were the only person I thought truly loved me. The worst part of it all is I never, not for one second, stopped loving you.” You hadn’t said any of this out loud to anyone, ever. Hearing it out loud stings more than ever before, because now you’ve admitted to someone, to him that you honestly are alone in the galaxy. 

Ben had found himself at a loss for words many times at things you’ve said, but none of them ever silenced him for this long. You closed your eyes, and looked away from him, feeling like he is going to be looking at you any second with anger at your outburst.

You both sat in silence for what seemed like days before he finally said something. “You love me?” His voice grabbed your attention from your focus on the night you admitted this to Poe. You looked up as he spoke seeing a confused, and hurt Ben. You couldn’t get your voice to do what you wanted it to, so you nodded sadly. “But- why?” before you got a chance to ask him what he meant, he cut you off to speak again. “I’m a monster (Y/N)! You know that, why would you love me?” You felt your heart shatter at his weak voice. 

“You’re not a monster Ben.” You tell him honestly, setting your feet on the floor and leaning forward to look at him better. “You are so far from being a monster, you just have no idea.” He laughed bitterly at you, making you stop in an instant, and look at him with a whole new attitude, he looked frustrated, and angry. He stood up and walked away from you, moving to sit on his bed. “You’re lying to yourself (Y/N), I’ve heard everything from everyone in the galaxy, I’m a monster, I’m a murderer, and an emotionless empty man. I know what I am, why wont you admit it to yourself?!” His new change in tone, and attitude worried you slightly, not because you feared him hurting you, but because you know he’s putting up a wall to make you regret saying that you love him.

“I am not lying to myself, Ben! Yes, you have done things that would make people fear you, but that doesn’t make you a monster. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what, or rather who pushes you to think you have to do all of this!” You waved your hands around before crossing your arms looking down angrily at him. He shot up from his spot on the bed, standing directly in front of you, his face hovering close to yours. “Why do you love me?” He begged, angry tone and demeanor still remaining, but his eyes were showing you all the anxiety, fear, and sadness he was truly feeling, that you knew was there.

You stared up at him, not letting his height over you intimidate you in the slightest. “Ben, you know why. But you’re just terrified that when I tell you why I love you that I will leave, and you’ll be here alone again.” He searched your eyes, like he thought you’d somehow been in his head. “Ben, I just told you that I never stopped loving you, I hadn’t seen you in ten years and I still loved you as much as the first day I met you, do you really think I don’t know anything about you? You have have changed, but I still know how you think, I know.” 

“You are leaving (Y/N), so what was the point of any of this?!” He shouted walking away, facing the wall away from you. You had honestly forgotten where you were in that moment, if you stayed with him, you’d be letting down the Resistance. You stood, realizing that admitting all of this to him was unnecessary, and in the end will only hurt you both more than before. “Exactly.” He mumbled, turning to face you again with bloodshot eyes, and tears still forming. 

Without thinking anything through, you spit out what you’d wanted to know since he asked you hours ago. “Tell me why I should stay.” You watched him carefully, hoping that he could give you just one reason to stay. Not even three seconds after you spoke, he was telling you why you should stay “You could run the medical bay, it would be yours, you would be in charge of running it. You wouldn’t have to report to anyone, it would be all yours. You would be taken care of, I mean- I’ll make sure you’re taken care of, and treated well.” He looked at you with hopeful eyes while he continued “I don’t want to lose you again, I can’t lose you again I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving you, and I don’t think I could live with myself if I let you go again.” 

“But why?” You ask suddenly, not sure if he was even finished speaking. “Why what?” He questioned unsure of whether or not you were actually considering staying with him. “Why do you act like me leaving is so bad?” He looked at you like you were crazy, as if you were not understanding a word he’s said. “(Y/N).” He sighed, shaking his head “Please stay, I-“ He took a deep breath “I need you to stay, I need you.” 

“Ben, I-“ He cut you off and placed his hands on your cheeks, much like had the last time he asked you to stay. “You know I hate opening up, you know.” You nod, almost in awe looking into his beautiful eyes. “I love you, okay? I do, and I always have. Please don’t leave me.” Your lip trembled, as you heard him tell you that he loves you. Being a very reserved person, and hating being venerable, you knew that this had to be the most open he’s been with anyone in, a long time “Please don’t go.” He pleaded, still not looking away from your eyes. 

You nod, and whisper “Okay.”


End file.
